Hey Everyone!
Thanks for checking back. We are going to have a re-launch of sorts in the Spring. If you are interested in cointributing please let us know. sales@hotfatguys.com
Hope everyone is doing well… stay tuned for more info.
In the interim we have added a new banner ad for the Zac Brown Band. Love these guys! Please visit ZacBrownBand.com for more info.
Thanks to Greg, haven’t updated the site in a while but this was too good not to share.
Enjoy!
Hello All,
Please take a moment and visit the following link:
http://www.karenjcaseymemorial.com/
This is a great cause and we would like to put a few foursomes together.
Please email me if your interested.
Thank You!
-Biff
Over the last few weeks more and more attention has been paid to the fact that old people can’t drive…Which is ironic because those same old people are paying less attention…Unfortunately this new eye-opening has been brought about due to the recent deaths being caused by elderly drivers…Most recently, a 34 year old police officer was killed doing a routine traffic detail in Weymouth, MA…Officer Michael Davey left behind a wife and three children aged 6-14…Ironically, Davey served in Iraq, which is apparantly safer than being on a road with elderly drivers…The 79 year old man who pinned the Officer against a National Grid truck said he didn’t remember hitting him…He thought he had lightly tapped the car in front of him and that car then lost control and hit Davey…Apparently he didn’t notice Davey’s twisted body four feet in front of his windshield or his screams as he got out of his car…Ah to be old and clueless
It’s one thing to be driving or walking on the side of a road at night when the likely hood of a drunk driver or a tired driver or even just a bad night driver grows…You can keep your n eye out for it…It’s another thing to be crushed between two cars at noon because some old bastard needed to pick up some denture cream, and refused to take the bus.
In my opinion there should be a mandatory driving test every two years after you reach the age of 60…If you’re old enough to receive social security than you’re old enough to have to prove that you haven’t gone too senile to drive…I know people well into their eighties who are able to see the road great and drive well…They are alert and not distracted by dimentia…And I also know elderly people who shit themselves twice a day, can’t see 6 inches in front of them, and couldn’t hear a bomb go off in their own backyard…And still, they are driving daily.
In some cultures they set the elderly on rafts and push them out to sea to die when they hit certain ages…In America, we allow them to plow their cadillacs and buicks into crowds of people and let them use the defense that it’s “agism” to make them take driving tests? Really, agism? I say fuck it…Let them try to stop us…We are much younger and stronger than these old fucks…I can personally beat the shit out of about thirty old people a day I think…I mean, if I had to…And I know poeople who could knock out way more than that…I’ll lead the revolution if the people want…First we’ll give them a choice and vote on the driving test thing…Inevitably, it will be shot down because old people vote…That’s one thing they do better and more often than us young people…So then I’ll just start walking up to random old people and asking to see their licenses…I’ll then put the licenses in my pocket and flick the old person in their droopy ear and say “Go fuck yourself, you can no longer drive because you’re going to kill somebody half your age with twice your potential”…And if they put up a stink, as old people often do, I’ll tell them to do something about it and push them down..I’ll walk away singing “we’re not gonna take it”…Problem solved
In Dumb and Dumber, Jim Carrey says the line “Hey, I guess they’re right. Senior citizens, although slow and dangerous behind the wheel, can still serve a purpose…” He was then robbed by a sweet old lady, proving that we can’t trust senior citizens…Look, I’m not saying I want to beat up old people, but something has to be done about the fact that are killing are best and brightest young people…And if a few eighty year olds need to get their hips broken to prove our point, then so be it.
Drive Caautiously,
The Angry Fat Guy
Been awhile since I’ve posted anything (yeah, I’m a slacker). Just saw this trailer for the new Mike Judge movie called, “Extract.” In true Mike Judge form (i.e. Office Space), this movie looks like a winner. Not to mention the fact that Hot Fat Guys favorite Mila Kunis is one of the stars and is looking stunning as usual. Check it out!
Hey All,
Checking in for the 1st time in a while. Big thanks to the Angry Fat Guy for keeping the content afloat!
July was a busy month, made a few trips to the Vineyard. Had myself a hell of a July 3rd party! Enjoyed July 4th at the Boston Harbor Yacht Club. Spent a bunch of time with my wife and the boys…. oh yeah and worked some.
Our man BostonBert was recently engaged! Congrats to him! He is big, beautiful and off the market…. sorry ladies. More to follow from him on that.
Let’s see, went deep sea fishing with The Captain and caught some Cod. We also checked out AC/DC and made a pilgrimage to Wholly Cannoli. All I can say is Dynamite Stick! Check them out here: http://www.whollycannoli.com
The stats for July are in and our visitor count is down but Paris France is still our #1 city (19%)! We’d also like to thank Gary T for checking in and giving us a “Shout Out” at a recent corporate meeting.
We have been using the Twitter quite a bit so check out http://twitter.com/hotfatguys
So, I hope all is well with everyone and per usual here is some pretty good content:
This is a Southwest Airlines commercial, the ad itself isn’t funny but the “tagline” at the end sure as hell is!
Punching Out (For Now)…
-Biff
While President Obama was having a beer with Sgt. Joseph Crowley and professor Henry Louis Gates Jr. to talk about their failure to get along and play nicely, Kevin Federline got fatter. (Side Note: I flipped off a black dude the other day because he cut me off and almost hit me, does this make me a racist? And if so, can I get flown down to the White House and get drunk with him and Obama? What’s that all about? Black people shouldn’t get mad at the Cambridge police for possibly being a bit racist, they should be mad that Obama, who only invites certain black people to discuss racism with him…And at that, all of America should be peaved that we didn’t get invited because everyday, no, every minute somebody is being discriminated against whether it be racism, sexism, anti-religion, the way we look, the way we dress, even the way we think…But I guess if we don’t teach at a prestigious college then we don’t get the invite to discuss such prejudices over Blue Moons down in DC)
So Kevin Federline has gotten fat…The former Mr. Britney Spears is living the dream my frineds…He got to bang Britney before she was full-blown bat-shit crazy…I’m sure he’s getting some sort of palimony from Brit, and even his singing “career” must have netted some sort of a nest egg…He gets to rub elbows with some A-listers from time to time…And because he’s a daddy, he gets to put on some weight and people will just think it’s because he’s too busy being world’s best dad to get to the gym…Well done K-Fed, well done.
And ofcourse the media is making fun of poor Kevin…Check out this article http://www.nydailynews.com/gossip/2009/07/29/2009-07-29_from_kfed_to_kfat_kevin_federlines_weight_gain_shows_off_his_massive_new_size.html
I actually find it more funny that they describe Verne Troyer as a celebrity than I do that they call K-Fed things like “massive” and K-Fatter-line”
The Angry Fat Guy can relate to this actually…Once upon a time I was a fairly handsome man…I was in excellent shape, all-ripped up and even had a six pack set of abs…I worked out constantly and was rather jacked…And then I found food and beer to be more satisfying than running and doing bench presses…My sick pack of abs turned into six packs of budweiser…And then twelve packs, and then cases upon cases…My once desirable physique quickly turned into something that could pass for Kevin James’ stunt double.
So I ask ye not to judge unless ye be judged first…People get fat, it’s the way things are meant to be…It makes a the world go round…Once you’ve lived a long, hard 31 years on this planet, you should be allowed to let yourself go…So go ahead K-Fed, grab a beer, a burger and sit down on your favorite, weight-regulated lawn chair…You’re one of us now buddy!
Thanks,
The Angry fat Guy
Not only do I use my posts as a way to vent about the ever-increasing amount of morons I encounter day to day, or about why America would rather watch “Wife Swap” over shows like “60 Minutes”, I also like to think I can be helpful to the heavy-set men who read these posts…And today, I’d like to share a story about a little mom and pop country store that stole my heart…So sit back and relax, while uncle Angry paints a warm and fuzzy picture for you.
I spent the weekend up in North Conway, NH…Many New Englanders head up there to ski, shop and be fat, as there seems to be a restaurant every twenty or so feet…My girlfriend’s lovely family let us use their house to get away from the city for a couple days…And by get away I mean get really drunk and eat a ton of food, but only after driving for three hours…Anyway, the house was awesome and we had a blast…Luckily, we didn’t have to go shopping and it was not ski season, so I could actually relax, and not just tell myself I was relaxing…But if you find yourself being dragged to the outlet malls North Conway is known for, or to a mountian and you’re fat, it’s ok because like I said you’ll have many food options…You’ll be able to eat and/or drink yourself into a calorie stooper while your loved ones waste energy skiing or shopping or being healthy, so don’t fret.
The crown jewel of my trip was a little place called Pringle’s County Store…There’s no website but it’s locates about ten minutes away from all the outlet stores, on the same route 16 in Glen, NH…I first fell in love with the place when, after we ordered, they told us to grab a drink and sit anywhere…When I brought the drinks up to pay, the cashier said “Oh no, just pay after you eat, what if you want dessert?”
What if I did want dessert? I know I could have paid seperately, but the don’t rush attitude she displayed was remarkable…It wasn’t a restaurant, it was a corner store that sold subs…I can’t stress how easy it would be to not pay, if you get what I mean…I don’t see that down here in Boston…There’s no way I’d be able to eat a meal, think about and then have dessert without shelling out cash up front at a sub store in Mass…But not at Pringle’s…You’re on a different time chart there…Forget about your worries, Pringle’s says realx!
And as if the hospitality wasn’t enough to win me over, the italian sub I got was monsterous…And fresh as Pringle’s also has a deli right on site…And it was made in in about two minutes, along with my girlfriends…And when I got up to get them, Pringle’s staff brought it over for us and told me to sit down and, you guessed it, relax.
You need more proof of why this store is awesome? You got it…I watched a man buy two tall budweisers, obviously for road consumption, and one of the cashiers said, and I quote “Which way ya going? Well you might wanna be careful cuz there’s always a cop about 2 miles down, so keep these low until ya pass him”…What? Did I just hear a cashier not only condone drinking while driving, but actually help the guy get his beers past the law? Not that I condone it, but that was awesome…In Massachusetts, I go to the same store for beer twice a week, and the same clerk studies my ID like there’s gonna be a test before selling to me…And I’ve been in there with three different people who they made recite their address before selling to them.
So, in conclusion, Pringle’s County Store offers unbeatable service, delicious subs, a no-rush attitude, knowingly sells beer to people who are going to have a couple roadies, gives out police locations, and let’s you pay with the honor system…Yeah, I went back the next day…Oh, and by the way, I changed the actual name of the store to avoid getting them in trouble, but if you’re ever up in North Conway, do yourself a favor and hit Pringle’s
Thanks,
The Not-So-Angry Fat Guy
This is pretty crazy video of jacko’s hair getting lit on fire….. Makes me want a Diet Pepsi.
I attended a wedding reception this past weekend with my girlfriend and the it was really fun…It was her family and I got a chance to meet some family members I hadn’t yet met…Her cousin married a woman from Panama and it was pretty cool to see the different cultures mingle and adapt…The wedding actually took place in Panama a few months ago but due to the B.S. immigration system that the United States has in place which allows numerous illegals to collect paychecks while millions of legal American citizens remain unemployed, and allows terrorists to train to be suicde bombers, yet won’t issue a green card to a woman who has family here, has visited the U.S. multiple times and just married a legal U.S. citizen, there were some snafus.
So this weekend was the first time both families could celebrate on American soil…Now since it wasn’t a formal to-do, I wasn’t sure what the eating arrangements were, so, in typical HotFatGuy style, I naturally ate before the wedding…It turned out to be buffet-style with steak tips, BBQ chicken , numerous salad options and some other good sides…The buffet was set up less than an hour into the reception and I ofcourse filled my plate to towering levels (Hey, it was my second family function that my girlfriend brought me to and I don’t know the rules about second and third helpings at this stage, I was taking no chances)
After I finished two-thirds of the plate, I decided I was full and pushed my plate away from me…I know what you’re thinking…”Hey Angry Fat Guy, way to drop the ball at the buffet and eat beforehand”…And I’m just as disappointed in myself as you are in me…Anyway, I watched as all the other guests at my table had their plates cleared away, most of which were finished afte rmine was…Time and time again the server came to our table and didn’t take my plate…I made two trips to the bar and one one to the bathroom, and my plate was still the lone plate on the table everytime I got back.
Finally, while most people were getting their dance on (Ofcourse I don’t dance), the server came over to me and quietly said “Are you still picking, sir”…No…”Should I leave the plate in case you want to finish it later”..Nope…”Well should I leave it in case you decide to get more, I can clear it and bring it back if you want to do that”…No I’m done eating…”Are you sure, I mean you’re not going to want anymore food”…Damn lady, I know I’m fat but seriously take my plate and stop making a scene, I don’t know most of these people.
After she reluctantly cleared my plate, I turned to my girlfriend and one of her cousins and said “Wow, I guess I’m fatter than I thought, that lady thinks I’m not gonna make it through this reception without eating atleast one more time”…They agreed that she was pretty rude, and for a few minutes I felt like stabbing myself with the butter knife.
After I went to the bathroom, contemplated purging, and swore at my fat face in the mirror, I returned to the party and threw out this question…”Was that lady just being completely rude and harrassing, OR was she being generous and nurturing? My food Angel, if you will? And it was debated for a bit.
Here’s the way I see it: She could really have been trying to be nice to me…Maybe she realized I was a little out of place, not knowing people and not dancing and she wanted to let me know I had a friend in her…Like a little buffet fairy…”C’mon fella, food will make you feel less awkward…Food will make everything better”…Maybe I mistook her caring as ignorance and in reality all she wanted to do was throw a couple more steak tips or plantain chips on my plate…Make the fat kid in the corner feel just a little bit better for a minute…Maybe she was a fat kid in a strange place with new and intimidating faces staring at her once too.
Nah, she’s just a miserable bitch who obviously hates her job, hates providing service with a smile and deeply loathes fat people, so she embarasses them when they are in a vulnerable place…And to think she almost got me to throw up my food, HA!
Thanks,
The Angry Fat Guy
I am so unbelievably sick of looking at photos where people refuse to smile…All of a sudden everybody thinks they’re James Dean and are too cool to smile when they pose for pictures…These people give the camara their best tough guy face but instead of intimidating me, they make me want to punch them…Whatever happened to “Smile and say cheeeeeeese?”
Now everyone has to pout or frown or look angry “Grrrr, I hate life and I hate getting my picture taken, but not enough to stop posing or move out of eye-shot of said camara, but I’m still bad-ass and everyone needs to know that….Where’s my cigarette and Bud heavy? Grrrr”
I completely understand if the picture was taken without Debbie or Dennis Downer knowing, or if he legit didn’t want to take a picture at the moment…But most people who don’t smile in one picture follow a pissy-pants pattern and don’t smile for any picture…It’s too much of a waste of time for this generation, what with tweets and facebook statuses to update and god knows how many texts they have to send…It’s a wonder they were available for the picture as it is…Or that they even found time to hang out without their ipod/laptop/playstation accompanying them.
This has always bothered me, but it came to a head when I saw the cover of a recent (possibly current) Rolling Stone magazine…It had all three Jonas Brothers on there and they all had a face that mixed teen anger with pouty sadness yet also a hint of a bad-ass snarl…I’m not buying for one second that any of the JoBros are bad-ass tough guys…I mean, as tweens go, I think Miley Cyrus could kick their asses collectively…And I assume they have nothing to be sad about because they are millionaires who can get more pie than I’ll ever be able to fathom, all before they can even drink alcohol…I know it was just for the shoot, but it still gets under my skin.
And it’s not just celebrities…Go to any friend on facebook or myspace or whatever and look at their pics…Chances are they have atleast one photo where some douche is refusing to smile…Actually, I bet there’s a few…It’s fun when you find someone who has like a hundred pics where he’s acting like a tough guy, you can make the same comment on all of them…I use “Having another bad day there fella? What’s the matter, life gotcha down, kiddo? Keep your head up, brighter days are right around the corner”
And why are these people so sad or pissed? What has life done to them to make smiling a chore? I mean, I pretty much hate everything if I can’t eat it, drink it or have sex with it but I smile in every picture I take…Hell, in most pics I’m grinning like a mental patient whose meds just kicked in…That’s the point of pictures correct? To keep a photo memory of something that was fun or made you happy…Not to have these tools pouting and trying to look tough while you’re memorializing your good times…Sure they’ll be holding their beer up high enough for the camara to see or holding their chain out or pointing at their watch, or the best, throwing up signs with their hands, but if you expect these spoiled brats to smile, well then, you got another thing coming.
Thanks,
The Angry Fat Guy
