I work overnights so I see my fair share of the creepiness that Boston and its suburbs have to offer…Almost every night I stop by a certain 7-11 convenience store and get my hotfatguy snack fix…Usually this consists of an energy drink, 2 candy bars and either a bag of chips or if I’m feeling more on the healthier side, a bag of peanuts (because on the fatguy food pyramid, peanuts are about as healthy as it gets)
The past two nights, i’ve been blessed with two great expeeriences…Two nights ago was much funnier but you really had to be there to enjoy it…To sum it up, there was a teen who was very openly gay being a jerk…The two clerk wouldn’t sell him cigarettes or scrath tickets because he didn’t have an ID…Fair enough I thought…So when they motioned me over to pay for my goodies, he got mad at me and dropped a very sharp “excuuuuuse me!”
Now, there was two clerks, two registers and more than enough room for both of our fat asses (mine being fatter, but he wasn’t far behind, pun intended) so I just gave him my “dude I’m fat, hungry and now I feel awkward” face and expected it to be over…But he brushed by me yelped a high-pitch “excuse me” and then called me sweaty…Which I was (side note: I had just come from the gym on my way into work, I’m fat but I do workout enough to avoid a heart attack, but barely)…At this point his fag hag friend, who couldn’t have more than 14 herself, got right in my face and screamed “leave him alone!”
Now I hadn’t said a damn word yet…I was just being my fat sweaty self trying to buy some delicious post-workout, pre-work snacks…I then actually snapped at the young lady “Tell you’re boyfriend to shut the hell up, and I am completely serious when I say that”…They both shut up, possibly because I’m well over 300 lbs, sweating and had that look in my eye of a man who needed his nesquick NOW…So I succesfully frightened a gay teenager and his tween girl friend…And if they are for some reason reading this, I wanna appologize by saying S my C, I hate the both of you, you made me forget to buy my diet coke, rot in hell
Ok, so the other incident happened last night…The second I stepped out of my car, I was approached by a woman asking me for gas money…Now, I had actually been there about a month ago when this same lady pulled this trick on an unsuspecting dude who gave her money and when he left she took off in a different direction than she came from…That’s not the funny part…The 7-11 is located adjacent to a gas station……The woman’s angle was that she walks out of that gas station parking lot, points to the gas station and asks for gas money.
Well, there’s actually no car anywhere near where she points…And the gas station closed about 4 hours earlier…But it’s genius because most 7-11 customers are wasted out of their tits at that time of night so they probably see a woman in distress, pointing to an empty gas station and asking for gas money and think nothing of it.
Here’s where I get pissed off…After I declined her offer to give her money, she touched me and thanked me anyway…She touched me! I don’t wanna be touched by anybody in front of a 7-11, never mind some crazy-ass weirdo who walks up to me looking like she just stepped out of the “Thriller” video…So now I don’t know if I have the swine flu, or lepreacy or whatever else someone can pickup from crazy people…Maybe I contracted the crazy gene? Am I gonna crazy now? Goddammit if you’re insane, please don’t touch me…Don’t even talk to me from now on because I’m going to probably spit at you
Ofcourse, if you are crazy enough to ask me for money for your invisible car which you’re getting gas for from a closed station, you probably do not own a computer to read that warning…Unless ofcourse you have one on your spaceship and you read this on your way back the Planet crazy
Thanks,
The Angry Fat Guy
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