Let me paint you a picture…It’s 3 AM and The Angry Fat Guy is sitting at a red light in downtown Boston…I work nights, so I’m enjoying a fresca, listening to Taylor Swift on the radio and thinking some less than appropriate thoughts about her as I go on my way to my next job…Ya know, minding my own damn business, not bothering a soul…My light turns green and from out of nowhere a truck comes flying through the cross street from my left, turning in front of me…Now his light had just turned red, and I understand if he was trying to make it through before it had but that wasn’t the case…It had been a few seconds and I was already caught in the middle of the street…I was lucky I didn’t get slammed into.
The crazy bastard, having no regard for stop lights, traffic laws or any human life aside his ownshitty existance, came within a curly hair of side-swiping me, then took off like a bat of hell down the street…He cruised through the next red light and proceeded to fly down one of Boston’s busier streets (even though it was 3 AM, there’s still cars around), speeding over pot holes like he was Harry Dunne in the shaggin’ wagon trying to get Mrs. Neugeboren’s dogs to the show on time.
I’m not one to name drop but damn it I’m pissed…It was a Boston Herald truck, and this was not the first time I’ve almost been run off the road by one of these knuckleheads who drive them…I know the Herald’s writing staff sucks, but you would think they could atleast hire drivers who have a slight idea of how to drive…I mean those hacks that do the “Inside Track”, Gayle Fee and Laura Raposa are the journalistic equivalent of two valley girls chatting about gossip in the locker room after gym class…Except they aren’t hot or half-naked like valley girls usually are in my thoughts…Anyway, they stink that’s all you need to know…Moving on…Nobody’s written a sports article worth reading for the Herald since Gerry Callahan was funny, which was about 15 years ago….The newspaper is borderline tabloid, and their drivers are probably felons or the half-retarded children of the higher-ups at the paper, either way, they suck at life
I’m guessing the interview process rivals that of an interview to get a three year old into preschool…With questions like “What color is this” and “Do you like shiny objects” it’s obvious anybody can get a job driving for the Herald…I think as long as you can spell your name close to correctly and have a driver’s license (which as long as your of age and can start a car in Massachusetts, they usually give you one), then you’re hired…Background checks? We don’t need no stinkin’ background checks…Just give them a truck and a route and they’ll take care of the rest.
For the record, and luckily for society, Hootie and The Blowfish came on the radio after Taylor…I like Hootie and The Blowfish…So I calmed down enough to not follow this maniac through Boston at 3 AM, honking and swearing like a mad man…I instead waved my fist like an eighty year old would at the neighborhood kids and sang along to Hootie
Thanks,
The Angry Fat Guy
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