Over the last few weeks more and more attention has been paid to the fact that old people can’t drive…Which is ironic because those same old people are paying less attention…Unfortunately this new eye-opening has been brought about due to the recent deaths being caused by elderly drivers…Most recently, a 34 year old police officer was killed doing a routine traffic detail in Weymouth, MA…Officer Michael Davey left behind a wife and three children aged 6-14…Ironically, Davey served in Iraq, which is apparantly safer than being on a road with elderly drivers…The 79 year old man who pinned the Officer against a National Grid truck said he didn’t remember hitting him…He thought he had lightly tapped the car in front of him and that car then lost control and hit Davey…Apparently he didn’t notice Davey’s twisted body four feet in front of his windshield or his screams as he got out of his car…Ah to be old and clueless
It’s one thing to be driving or walking on the side of a road at night when the likely hood of a drunk driver or a tired driver or even just a bad night driver grows…You can keep your n eye out for it…It’s another thing to be crushed between two cars at noon because some old bastard needed to pick up some denture cream, and refused to take the bus.
In my opinion there should be a mandatory driving test every two years after you reach the age of 60…If you’re old enough to receive social security than you’re old enough to have to prove that you haven’t gone too senile to drive…I know people well into their eighties who are able to see the road great and drive well…They are alert and not distracted by dimentia…And I also know elderly people who shit themselves twice a day, can’t see 6 inches in front of them, and couldn’t hear a bomb go off in their own backyard…And still, they are driving daily.
In some cultures they set the elderly on rafts and push them out to sea to die when they hit certain ages…In America, we allow them to plow their cadillacs and buicks into crowds of people and let them use the defense that it’s “agism” to make them take driving tests? Really, agism? I say fuck it…Let them try to stop us…We are much younger and stronger than these old fucks…I can personally beat the shit out of about thirty old people a day I think…I mean, if I had to…And I know poeople who could knock out way more than that…I’ll lead the revolution if the people want…First we’ll give them a choice and vote on the driving test thing…Inevitably, it will be shot down because old people vote…That’s one thing they do better and more often than us young people…So then I’ll just start walking up to random old people and asking to see their licenses…I’ll then put the licenses in my pocket and flick the old person in their droopy ear and say “Go fuck yourself, you can no longer drive because you’re going to kill somebody half your age with twice your potential”…And if they put up a stink, as old people often do, I’ll tell them to do something about it and push them down..I’ll walk away singing “we’re not gonna take it”…Problem solved
In Dumb and Dumber, Jim Carrey says the line “Hey, I guess they’re right. Senior citizens, although slow and dangerous behind the wheel, can still serve a purpose…” He was then robbed by a sweet old lady, proving that we can’t trust senior citizens…Look, I’m not saying I want to beat up old people, but something has to be done about the fact that are killing are best and brightest young people…And if a few eighty year olds need to get their hips broken to prove our point, then so be it.
Drive Caautiously,
The Angry Fat Guy
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