HotFatGuys.com

   Over the last few weeks more and more attention has been paid to the fact that old people can’t drive…Which is ironic because those same old people are paying less attention…Unfortunately this new eye-opening has been brought about due to the recent deaths being caused by elderly drivers…Most recently, a 34 year old police officer was killed doing a routine traffic detail in Weymouth, MA…Officer Michael Davey left behind a wife and three children aged 6-14…Ironically, Davey served in Iraq, which is apparantly safer than being on a road with elderly drivers…The 79 year old man who pinned the Officer against a National Grid truck said he didn’t remember hitting him…He thought he had lightly tapped the car in front of him and that car then lost control and hit Davey…Apparently he didn’t notice Davey’s twisted body four feet in front of his windshield or his screams as he got out of his car…Ah to be old and clueless

   It’s one thing to be driving or walking on the side of a road at night when the likely hood of a drunk driver or a tired driver or even just a bad night driver grows…You can keep your n eye out for it…It’s another thing to be crushed between two cars at noon because some old bastard needed to pick up some denture cream, and refused to take the bus.

   In my opinion there should be a mandatory driving test every two years after you reach the age of 60…If you’re old enough to receive social security than you’re old enough to have to prove that you haven’t gone too senile to drive…I know people well into their eighties who are able to see the road great and drive well…They are alert and not distracted by dimentia…And I also know elderly people who shit themselves twice a day, can’t see 6 inches in front of them, and couldn’t hear a bomb go off in their own backyard…And still, they are driving daily.

   In some cultures they set the elderly on rafts and push them out to sea to die when they hit certain ages…In America, we allow them to plow their cadillacs and buicks into crowds of people and let them use the defense that it’s “agism” to make them take driving tests? Really, agism? I say fuck it…Let them try to stop us…We are much younger and stronger than these old fucks…I can personally beat the shit out of about thirty old people a day I think…I mean, if I had to…And I know poeople who could knock out way more than that…I’ll lead the revolution if the people want…First we’ll give them a choice and vote on the driving test thing…Inevitably, it will be shot down because old people vote…That’s one thing they do better and more often than us young people…So then I’ll just start walking up to random old people and asking to see their licenses…I’ll then put the licenses in my pocket and flick the old person in their droopy ear and say “Go fuck yourself, you can no longer drive because you’re going to kill somebody half your age with twice your potential”…And if they put up a stink, as old people often do, I’ll tell them to do something about it and push them down..I’ll walk away singing “we’re not gonna take it”…Problem solved

   In Dumb and Dumber, Jim Carrey says the line “Hey, I guess they’re right. Senior citizens, although slow and dangerous behind the wheel, can still serve a purpose…” He was then robbed by a sweet old lady, proving that we can’t trust senior citizens…Look, I’m not saying I want to beat up old people, but something has to be done about the fact that are killing are best and brightest young people…And if a few eighty year olds need to get their hips broken to prove our point, then so be it.

Drive Caautiously,

The Angry Fat Guy

   While President Obama was having a beer with Sgt. Joseph Crowley and professor Henry Louis Gates Jr. to talk about their failure to get along and play nicely, Kevin Federline got fatter. (Side Note: I flipped off a black dude the other day because he cut me off and almost hit me, does this make me a racist? And if so, can I get flown down to the White House and get drunk with him and Obama? What’s that all about? Black people shouldn’t get mad at the Cambridge police for possibly being a bit racist, they should be mad that Obama, who only invites certain black people to discuss racism with him…And at that, all of America should be peaved that we didn’t get invited because everyday, no, every minute somebody is being discriminated against whether it be racism, sexism, anti-religion, the way we look, the way we dress, even the way we think…But I guess if we don’t teach at a prestigious college then we don’t get the invite to discuss such prejudices  over Blue Moons down in DC)

   So Kevin Federline has gotten fat…The former Mr. Britney Spears is living the dream my frineds…He got to bang Britney before she was full-blown bat-shit crazy…I’m sure he’s getting some sort of palimony from Brit, and even his singing “career” must have netted some sort of a nest egg…He gets to rub elbows with some A-listers from time to time…And because he’s a daddy, he gets to put on some weight and people will just think it’s because he’s too busy being world’s best dad to get to the gym…Well done K-Fed, well done.

And ofcourse the media is making fun of poor Kevin…Check out this article http://www.nydailynews.com/gossip/2009/07/29/2009-07-29_from_kfed_to_kfat_kevin_federlines_weight_gain_shows_off_his_massive_new_size.html                                                  

I actually find it more funny that they describe Verne Troyer as a celebrity than I do that they call K-Fed things like “massive” and K-Fatter-line”

   The Angry Fat Guy can relate to this actually…Once upon a time I was a fairly handsome man…I was in excellent shape, all-ripped up and even had a six pack set of abs…I worked out constantly and was rather jacked…And then I found food and beer to be more satisfying than running and doing bench presses…My sick pack of abs turned into six packs of budweiser…And then twelve packs, and then cases upon cases…My once desirable physique quickly turned into something that could pass for Kevin James’ stunt double.

    So I ask ye not to judge unless ye be judged first…People get fat, it’s the way things are meant to be…It makes a the world go round…Once you’ve lived a long, hard 31 years on this planet, you should be allowed to let yourself go…So go ahead K-Fed, grab a beer, a burger and sit down on your favorite, weight-regulated lawn chair…You’re one of us now buddy!

Thanks,

The Angry fat Guy

   Not only do I use my posts as a way to vent about the ever-increasing amount of morons I encounter day to day, or about why America would rather watch “Wife Swap” over shows like “60 Minutes”, I also like to think I can be helpful to the heavy-set men who read these posts…And today, I’d like to share a story about a little mom and pop country store that stole my heart…So sit back and relax, while uncle Angry paints a warm and fuzzy picture for you.

   I spent the weekend up in North Conway, NH…Many New Englanders head up there to ski, shop and be fat, as there seems to be a restaurant every twenty or so feet…My girlfriend’s lovely family let us use their house to get away from the city for a couple days…And by get away I mean get really drunk and eat a ton of food, but only after driving for three hours…Anyway, the house was awesome and we had a blast…Luckily, we didn’t have to go shopping and it was not ski season, so I could actually relax, and not just tell myself I was relaxing…But if you find yourself being dragged to the outlet malls North Conway is known for, or to a mountian and you’re fat, it’s ok because like I said you’ll have many food options…You’ll be able to eat and/or drink yourself into a calorie stooper while your loved ones waste energy skiing or shopping or being healthy, so don’t fret.

   The crown jewel of my trip was a little place called Pringle’s County Store…There’s no website but it’s locates about ten minutes away from all the outlet stores, on the same route 16 in Glen, NH…I first fell in love with the place when, after we ordered, they told us to grab a drink and sit anywhere…When I brought the drinks up to pay, the cashier said “Oh no, just pay after you eat, what if you want dessert?”

   What if I did want dessert? I know I could have paid seperately, but the don’t rush attitude she displayed was remarkable…It wasn’t a restaurant, it was a corner store that sold subs…I can’t stress how easy it would be to not pay, if you get what I mean…I don’t see that down here in Boston…There’s no way I’d be able to eat a meal, think about and then have dessert without shelling out cash up front at a sub store in Mass…But not at Pringle’s…You’re on a different time chart there…Forget about your worries, Pringle’s says realx!

   And as if the hospitality wasn’t enough to win me over, the italian sub I got was monsterous…And fresh as Pringle’s also has a deli right on site…And it was made in in about two minutes, along with my girlfriends…And when I got up to get them, Pringle’s staff brought it over for us and told me to sit down and, you guessed it, relax.

   You need more proof of why this store is awesome? You got it…I watched a man buy two tall budweisers, obviously for road consumption, and one of the cashiers said, and I quote “Which way ya going? Well you might wanna be careful cuz there’s always a cop about 2 miles down, so keep these low until ya pass him”…What? Did I just hear a cashier not only condone drinking while driving, but actually help the guy get his beers past the law? Not that I condone it, but that was awesome…In Massachusetts, I go to the same store for beer twice a week, and the same clerk studies my ID like there’s gonna be a test before selling to me…And I’ve been in there with three different people who they made recite their address before selling to them.

   So, in conclusion, Pringle’s County Store offers unbeatable service, delicious subs, a no-rush attitude, knowingly sells beer to people who are going to have a couple roadies, gives out police locations, and let’s you pay with the honor system…Yeah, I went back the next day…Oh, and by the way, I changed the actual name of the store to avoid getting them in trouble, but if you’re ever up in North Conway, do yourself a favor and hit Pringle’s

Thanks,

The Not-So-Angry Fat Guy

   I am so unbelievably sick of looking at photos where people refuse to smile…All of a sudden everybody thinks they’re James Dean and are too cool to smile when they pose for pictures…These people give the camara their best tough guy face but instead of intimidating me, they make me want to punch them…Whatever happened to “Smile and say cheeeeeeese?”

   Now everyone has to pout or frown or look angry “Grrrr, I hate life and I hate getting my picture taken, but not enough to stop posing or move out of eye-shot of said camara, but I’m still bad-ass and everyone needs to know that….Where’s my cigarette and Bud heavy? Grrrr”

   I completely understand if the picture was taken without Debbie or Dennis Downer knowing, or if he legit didn’t want to take a picture at the moment…But most people who don’t smile in one picture follow a pissy-pants pattern and don’t smile for any picture…It’s too much of  a waste of time for this generation, what with tweets and facebook statuses to update and god knows how many texts they have to send…It’s a wonder they were available for the picture as it is…Or that they even found time to hang out without their ipod/laptop/playstation accompanying them.

   This has always bothered me, but it came to a head when I saw the cover of a recent (possibly current) Rolling Stone magazine…It had all three Jonas Brothers on there and they all had a face that mixed teen anger with pouty sadness yet also a hint of a bad-ass snarl…I’m not buying for one second that any of the JoBros are bad-ass tough guys…I mean, as tweens go, I think Miley Cyrus could kick their asses collectively…And I assume they have nothing to be sad about because they are millionaires who can get more pie than I’ll ever be able to fathom, all before they can even drink alcohol…I know it was just for the shoot, but it still gets under my skin.

   And it’s not just celebrities…Go to any friend on facebook or myspace or whatever and look at their pics…Chances are they have atleast one photo where some douche is refusing to smile…Actually, I bet there’s a few…It’s fun when you find someone who has like a hundred pics where he’s acting like a tough guy, you can make the same comment on all of them…I use “Having another bad day there fella? What’s the matter, life gotcha down, kiddo? Keep your head up, brighter days are right around the corner”

   And why are these people so sad or pissed? What has life done to them to make smiling a chore? I mean, I pretty much hate everything if I can’t eat it, drink it or have sex with it but I smile in every picture I take…Hell, in most pics I’m grinning like a mental patient whose meds just kicked in…That’s the point of pictures correct? To keep a photo memory of something that was fun or made you happy…Not to have these tools pouting and trying to look tough while you’re memorializing your good times…Sure they’ll be holding their beer up high enough for the camara to see or holding their chain out or pointing at their watch, or the best, throwing up signs with their hands, but if you expect these spoiled brats to smile, well then, you got another thing coming.

Thanks,

The Angry Fat Guy

      And what the hell is up with the Steve McNair thing? I guess his girlfriend got pissed because he wouldn’t leave his wife for her…So she shot him…Four times…And then shot herself…As if when they get to Heaven or Hell (or wherever people who break the Ten Commandments go when they die) Steve’s gonna be like “OK, because you shot us, and my wife isn’t here, I guess we can be together”…Bitch had a condo he was leasing for her and probably a sweet car and an unlimited allowance…but she couldn’t handle it and wanted his heart too…How come Pac Man Jones and Michael Vick don’t date chiks like this?

   Now that I got that off my chest, here’s the real story I wanna tell…One night over the long 4th of July weekend I found myself in a conversation that found it’s way to talking about the recent string of celebrity deaths…Somebody threw in their worthless two cents and said “I know man, I still can’t believe Michael is gone. I still get blurry eyed every time I hear about it. I grew up listening to him”

  I admit to being very drunk all weekend, but I’m being clear about what I heard…I threw back some beer and asked the person “Were you and Michael close?”…It turns out they weren’t…I then asked why he was taking it so hard and also told him Michael Jackson wouldn’t feel the same way if the situation was vice versa…I told him I grew up listening to Michael too and I was stunned and interested at first also…For like a day, then I moved on.

   I wasn’t sure if this guy was just trying to be ‘that guy’ and wanted people to know he’s up on current events and he’s affected by things, blah blah blah…But that wasn’t the case…He’s just one of an alarmingly growing number of people in their late twenties who are so caught up in the lives of celebrities that they can’t live their own meaningless lives…It’s one thing when teens and young adults can’t distinguish their own life from Paris Hilton’s but when you’ve grown up and developed the ability to think for yourself, then it’s sad when you still let the media dictate your feelings toward things…By getting worked up over the death of a man he never met, a man whose great career has been over shadowed by pedophilia, it proves that he hasn’t quite figured out that real life and celebrity are two very seperate things.

   I know death is inevitable, and when celebrities die  it’s a microcosm of life and death that so-called normal people see everyday…And, the public gets a wake-up call from reality that nobody is immortal…But in death, just like in life, the American sheep, er, I mean public care way too much about people who could give two poops about them…Do you think if Michael Jackson was alive and Joe Everyman, a deli owner let’s just say, died suddenly and tragically, that Michael would see it the news and say “Oh no! Not Joe Everyman, he was about to make his comeback with a new and improved steak bomb sub, he was too young, it’s such a tragedy”? No, he wouldn’t care…So why does the public put so much into these celebrities? Because they are tragedies?

   Ofcourse they are tragedies! It’s tragic anytime somebody under the age of eighty-fuckin-five dies…I drove past a horrific four-car accident the other night where a nine-teen year old got decapitated…That’s way more tragic than a fifty year old pedophile overdosing and it barely made the local paper…I mean,  I liked Michael, but shit happens man.

   Look, I’m biased because when I see people get overly-wrapped up in celebrity gossip and scandal, I cringe and snarl Like Eastwood in “Gran Torino”…I just don’t care who Bret Michaels picks on this season’s “Rock Of Love” or who Britney’s dating now, or how many orphans Angelina Jolie is breat-feeding…It’s mind-numbing…And that’s what the past few weeks have been…Mind-numbing…Celebrities die, tragically at times…But chances are, we don’t know them…It’s tragic, it’s awful, but it’s life and it has nothing to do with you…Don’t take it personal

I normally leave the ranting to the Angry Fat Guy because that’s his bit and well… I’m a pretty positive guy. 

There are 3 places I look for HotFatGuy clothing; Casual Male XL, Hajjar’s Big & Tall and Rochester Big & Tall.

Yes, I’ve given in to shopping at the Fat Store, it’s fine… I can get shit from Old Navy and other places but aside from being fat I’m also 6′4″ so I’m Big & Tall. At least that’s what I keep telling myself.

What really chaps my ass about these places though?

There are NO fat guys in the catalog? None, zero, zip, nada! There aren’t even really tall guys in there?

It’s all just really handsome guys in their mid 40s and 50s? I don’t get it.

Let’s go site by site and take a look:

http://www.casualmale.com

Day at the Beach

This is the Casual Male’s “Day at the Beach” complete outfit. That’s correct, they sell outfits in there entirety… which is a little suspect but I’m ok with.

This Look is fatally flawed for too reasons.

1) This guy can’t weigh more than 160 lbs, that outfit is not going to look the same on a guy (literally) twice his size.

2) He has 2 shirts on. Yeah, exactly what I want to sport in 95 degree, humid weather. Two fucking shirts, oh sweet my man boob sweat will be AWESOME in these duds.

http://www.big-tall.com/ (Hajjar’s)

Old Guys & White Pants?

This site is pretty decent. There are very few models on the site.

Gotta say though the front page Father’s Day logo drives me nuts, particularly the guy in the top right block.

This goof has a decent shirt on and white khakis.

Oh, ok… because the Buffalo Sauce and beer will come right out of those huh? Are you shitting me?

This guy is also probably about 150-160lbs, we’ll see how those stripes look in 3 or 4xl, probably trigger someones epilepsy.

http://www.rochesterclothing.com

These guys are probably the worst offenders, I understand because they cater to a higher end clientele but come on?

Fat Guys or Gay Pimps?

If I wore this I would have to kick my own ass? Can you IMAGINE that jacket in a 58 Long? Holy dog shit, people would pass out.

This is the COVER of one of the Spring Catalogs, this doesn’t make me want to buy your clothes, it makes me want to buy an Elton John CD.

And again with the white pants, I know it’s Summer people but fat guys eat allot more so statistically we will spill that much more.

Nice Look or Table Cloth?

This guy looks pretty slick, until you look a little closer and realize that he has a plaid jacket on?

Again…. it looks great on him… but if I rocked this it would look like I made a shirt of the hotel curtains.

These looks just don’t translate to fat people.

Guess what, not every guy that shops at your store is a pro football player.

So Big & Tall stores of the world, I beg of you. Hire some HotFatGuys to model your stuff, there are enough of us out there!

Punching Out (for now)…

-Biff

   Let me paint you a picture…It’s 3 AM and The Angry Fat Guy is sitting at a red light in downtown Boston…I work nights, so I’m enjoying a fresca, listening to Taylor Swift on the radio and thinking some less than appropriate thoughts about her as I go on my way to my next job…Ya know, minding my own damn business, not bothering a soul…My light turns green and from out of nowhere a truck comes flying through the cross street from my left, turning in front of me…Now his light had just turned red, and I understand if he was trying to make it through before it had but that wasn’t the case…It had been a few seconds and I was already caught in the middle of the street…I was lucky I didn’t get slammed into.

   The crazy bastard, having no regard for stop lights, traffic laws or any human life aside his ownshitty existance, came within a curly hair of side-swiping me, then took off like a bat of hell down the street…He cruised through the next red light and proceeded to fly down one of Boston’s busier streets (even though it was 3 AM, there’s still cars around), speeding over pot holes like he was Harry Dunne in the shaggin’ wagon trying to get Mrs. Neugeboren’s dogs to the show on time.

   I’m not one to name drop but damn it I’m pissed…It was a Boston Herald truck, and this was not the first time I’ve almost been run off the road by one of these knuckleheads who drive them…I know the Herald’s writing staff sucks, but you would think they could atleast hire drivers who have a slight idea of how to drive…I mean those hacks that do the “Inside Track”, Gayle Fee and Laura Raposa are the journalistic equivalent of two valley girls chatting about gossip in the locker room after gym class…Except they aren’t hot or half-naked like valley girls usually are in my thoughts…Anyway, they stink that’s all you need to know…Moving on…Nobody’s written a sports article worth reading for the Herald since Gerry Callahan was funny, which was about 15 years ago….The newspaper is borderline tabloid, and their drivers are probably felons or the half-retarded children of the higher-ups at the paper, either way, they suck at life

   I’m guessing the interview process rivals that of an interview to get a three year old into preschool…With questions like “What color is this” and “Do you like shiny objects” it’s obvious anybody can get a job driving for the Herald…I think as long as you can spell your name close to correctly and have a driver’s license (which as long as your of age and can start a car in Massachusetts, they usually give you one), then you’re hired…Background checks? We don’t need no stinkin’ background checks…Just give them a truck and a route and they’ll take care of the rest.

   For the record, and luckily for society, Hootie and The Blowfish came on the radio after Taylor…I like Hootie and The Blowfish…So I calmed down enough to not follow this maniac through Boston at 3 AM, honking and swearing like a mad man…I instead waved my fist like an eighty year old would at the neighborhood kids and sang along to Hootie

Thanks,

The Angry Fat Guy

I’ve seen less scarier digits fall out of zippers…Men, I hope this doesn’t effect any of your fantasys like it does mine…The something about that thumb that  makes me wish I never did some of the things I have done in past when I was alone with internet…I don’t think I could even shake her hand without cringing.

This makes Fergie’s problem of peeing herself on stage more tolerable to think about when I’m on the can…This was truly like finding out that the Mercedes you think you’ve been driving was just a Reliant with Mercedes decals glued on…I feel betrayed…I feel used…I feel dirty…I feel hungry too, so I’m gonna stop this post.

Sorry,

The Angry Fat Guy

   I was reading the featured stories on Yahoo, getting agrier and angrier by the second as I lost even more faith in humankind…The top story that got my blood boiling was Al Roker laying into “Speidi” about their stint on “I’m a Celebrity…Get Me Outta Here”…What pissed me off was not that Roker grilled them, as he should be doing, but their response…Heidi said Roker was “Mean-spirited to come after a young woman with that question” (the question was “Are you proud of how you acted on the show”)…Are you kidding me? This bitch needs to get over herself immediately…I’m not even sure how this tramp became a “celebrity” in the first place, but she need to realize how she was dealing with.

   Al Roker is an old school HotFatGuy and he can ask Speidi any question he damn well pleases…If Roker wanted to ask her what her husband’s man juice tatsed like, then that ditz better smile and tell him the truth, which is that Spencer Pratt is hung like a Ken doll and they don’t have sex, they just stare at themselves in the mirror until they each climax, then they high-five and go to sleep in seperate beds because they love themselves more than they do each other…The nerve of that slut to question anything Al Roker does

   And Spencer Pratt…WTF man? He’s such a doucher that he makes guys like Doug Neidermeyer and Greg Marmalard cringe…His retort to Roker’s questioning was “We were thrown off that the weatherman was even trying to talk to Speidi”…Seriously? He calls himself and his wife by their cheesy tabloid nickname…And he’s dead serious about it…Listen Spence, Roker was famous way before your dad accidentally knocked up your slutty mother instead of letting you slide off her belly like you should have…And for the record, Speidi will never be Brangelina or Bennifer (which are both stupid ass names in their own right), so relax with calling yourself that, weirdo.

   So to explain Roker’s mean questioning, I guess they were on that show, which is kinda like a celebrity spin on ”Survivor”, for two episodes and all they did was yell at the other contestants, cry and complain…Just like you’d expect from any talentless couple who has money and has been given everything their whole lives…Which is another reason why in about 3 generations us humans will be like 3rd on the food chain just under monkeys and dogs, because this is the future of our kids…In an attempt to look rugged, Spencer did manage to grow a beard that made him look like the lead singer of the Spin Doctors.

   Roker tweeted “I think we’re at minute 11 out of their 15″…Which is still way more then they deserve…And hopefully he’s right…Personally, I think the media needs to stop glorifying these dumb people who are only famous because they have money…They offer nothing to society and unfortunately, young kids are growing up thinking that this is acceptable behavior…Al Roker-1, spoiled hollywood brats-0

Thanks,

The Angry Fat Guy

   So, I’m at a bar the other night, and I’m not going to plug it because it sucked…When did suburban Boston area bars get the nerve to hire ugly-ass bartenders and charge ridiculous prices for watered-down drinks…It’s  kinda the rule, the hotter your staff, the pricier the drink…It’s common sense that I’ll pay top dollar when I’m at Marina Bay getting served Jack and Diets until I can barely walk because I have tanned up college-aged knockouts, wearing little more than a tight belly shirt and very high shorts handing me the drinks…But when I go to a neighborhood bar and have to deal with a woman who looks like she coaches girls soccer, definately drives a mini-van and wears baggier clothes than Kriss Kross used to, I in no way expect to pay nearly as much for my drink…It’s bad business and I will not be going there again.

   Anyway, that wasn’t my point…So I’m at said bar and my buddy comes over to me and says “Hey man, is it weird if I’m in the bathroom alone and some guy comes over and uses the urinal right next to me, even though there are four other unoccupied urinals in the bathroom?”

   Is it weird? No…Crop circles are weird…The fact that Britney Spears is still allowed to make music is weird…The fact that I used to think Flo, the Progressive Insurance lady, was kinda hot is pretty weird too…A grown man anchoring himself next to another grown man in an empty bathroom is absolutely 100% without-a-doubt wrong…I don’t like to wash my hands in a bathroom when other people are using the sink, even if there are multiple sinks, so yeah, if you’re going to come over and use the urinal directly beside me when other urinals are an option, I take exception to that.

   The thing is, there is no excuse for it…I mean, even if a friend happened to be in there when I walk in, you still use another urinal, it’s absolute guy code…What possible reasoning would anybody have for doing this? The guy couldn’t have been gay…Gay men are way more proud than to hit on another man via the toilet…Also, they are more suave and presumably much more confident than to approach a man at his most vulnerable…So rule that out.

   Does the offending gentleman feel the need to be friendly at that particular moment? It’s possible…Some guys are very socially awkward and mistake an empty bathroom for a press conference podium…They see the opportunity to  ask another man a series of questions while he can’t go anywhere for a minute and possibly follow him out to get all the dirt…Maybe the dude just has pee problems and needs someone to make him feel comfortable while he urinates…Or maybe the guy is afraid of empty bathrooms and wants to stay close incase something goes down…You’ll have the Praying Mantis technique at your disposal (pun intended).

   No, in all likeliness this jackass just got too drunk off of Jaeger bombs and ‘buca shots before he left his apartment, and didn’t realize he was breaking guy ettiqutte rule numero uno: Don’t piss next to another dude unless you absolutely are forced to…There’s no doubt this guy thinks very highly of himself, and couldn’t care less about anybody who isn’t him…Therefore, he obviously didn’t see anybody in the bathroom other than himself and, feeling entitled to everything because daddy didn’t spank him, grabbed the urinal next to my buddy just to be a dick…He probably even gave him that “I’m better than you” look, followed by the “I make more money than you and score more chicks than god” nod, even though he doesn’t on either account…All this actually does is let the world know  what he’s thinking when he’s the only one left in the bathroom…As he’s staring at his worthless face in the mirror, he gives himself the “I have a tiny penis, nobody actually likes me they just use me, but I’m gonna act awesome to overcome my fear of failure” wink to himself…He then leaves the bathroom and goes back into a world that is better off without him.

   But I just shrugged and said to my friend “Yeah dude, that’s pretty weird, did you give him your number?”

Thanks,

The Angry Fat Guy