HotFatGuys.com

   I work overnights so I see my fair share of the creepiness that Boston and its suburbs have to offer…Almost every night I stop by a certain 7-11 convenience store and get my hotfatguy snack fix…Usually this consists of an energy drink, 2 candy bars and either a bag of chips or if I’m feeling more on the healthier side, a bag of peanuts (because on the fatguy food pyramid, peanuts are about as healthy  as it gets)

   The past two nights, i’ve been blessed with two great expeeriences…Two nights ago was much funnier but you really had to be there to enjoy it…To sum it up, there was a teen who was very openly gay being a jerk…The two clerk wouldn’t sell him cigarettes or scrath tickets because he didn’t have an ID…Fair enough I thought…So when they motioned me over to pay for my goodies, he got mad at me and dropped a very sharp “excuuuuuse me!”

   Now, there was two clerks, two registers and more than enough room for both of our fat asses (mine being fatter, but he wasn’t far behind, pun intended) so I just gave him my “dude I’m fat, hungry and now I feel awkward” face and expected it to be over…But he brushed by me yelped a high-pitch “excuse me” and then called me sweaty…Which I was (side note: I had just come from the gym on my way into work, I’m fat but I do workout enough to avoid a heart attack, but barely)…At this point his fag hag friend, who couldn’t have more than 14 herself, got right in my face and screamed “leave him alone!”

   Now I hadn’t said a damn word yet…I was just being my fat sweaty self trying to buy some delicious post-workout, pre-work snacks…I then actually snapped at the young lady “Tell you’re boyfriend to shut the hell up, and I am completely serious when I say that”…They both shut up, possibly because I’m well over 300 lbs, sweating and had that look in my eye of a man who needed his nesquick NOW…So I succesfully frightened a gay teenager and his tween girl friend…And if they are for some reason reading this, I wanna appologize by saying S my C, I hate the both of you, you made me forget to buy my diet coke, rot in hell

   Ok, so the other incident happened last night…The second I stepped out of my car, I was approached by a woman asking me for gas money…Now, I had actually been there about a month ago when this same lady pulled this trick on an unsuspecting dude who gave her money and when he left she took off in a different direction than she came from…That’s not the funny part…The 7-11 is located adjacent to a gas station……The woman’s angle was that she walks out of that gas station parking lot, points to the gas station and asks for gas money.

   Well, there’s actually no car anywhere near where she points…And the gas station closed about 4 hours earlier…But it’s genius because most 7-11 customers are wasted out of their tits at that time of night so they probably see a woman in distress, pointing to an empty gas station and asking for gas money and think nothing of it.

   Here’s where I get pissed off…After I declined her offer to give her money, she touched me and thanked me anyway…She touched me! I don’t wanna be touched by anybody in front of a 7-11, never mind some crazy-ass weirdo who walks up to me looking like she just stepped out of the “Thriller” video…So now I don’t know if I have the swine flu, or lepreacy or whatever else someone can pickup from crazy people…Maybe I contracted the crazy gene? Am I gonna crazy now? Goddammit if you’re insane, please don’t touch me…Don’t even talk to me from now on because I’m going to probably spit at you

   Ofcourse, if you are crazy enough to ask me for money for your invisible car which you’re getting gas for from a closed station, you probably do not own a computer to read that warning…Unless ofcourse you have one on your spaceship and you read this on your way back the Planet crazy

Thanks,

The Angry Fat Guy

My father in law is always talking about this place. He worked for the highway department for 247 years and recently retired.

When you are a boss for the MA highway department you spend a decent amount of time…. on the highway. So he knows more local places to eat than anyone.

So as we we’re on our way back from the Cape (coming up 495 to 24) I thought of one thing…

Dave’s Diner…

It’s a solid 25 minute ride from my house and I’m fat & lazy so when I realized we had to drive right by it I was psyched.

HotFatGuys back to the 50's

It’s not more than 5 minutes off the highway which is very convenient. Once you look at this place you know it has good food, old school 50’s diner. The reason it looks so authentic is because well…. it is.

10+ years later it ’s menu boasts a number of great burgers and sandwichs along with a “legit” 50’s style dessert case. More to come on that.

I went with the “Hot Rod Lincoln”, complete with Cajun Seasoning, Mushrooms & Mozzarella (8oz of course). We also got a basket of “Daddy O’s” onion rings (it came with fries).  The burger was good although it could have used a but more seasoning, rings were good as well.

 I must admit though that I was pretty fixated on either the dessert case or  a milk shake. I ordered a black  & white shake and a not-so-quick trip to the bathroom revealed two things:

1) I think I’m going to have a baby in this bathroom, my colon and I are certainly fighting.

2) Ted Williams has “Moxie”, which is (for the record) the worst soda ever.

Teddy Ballgame selling Moxie in the Men's room?

When I came out my milkshake was waiting for me and it was amazing, best I’ve had in a while.

As a whole It was pretty reasonably priced, $6-$9 range for a burger. The waitress was also very pleasant and the food came out pretty quick.

One quick side note : My wife got the chicken parm sandwich and it was REALLY good, HUGE piece of chicken.

One other surprise was the ample amount of “Gut Room” in the booth. Most Diner booths are not HotFatGuy friendly but this one definetley was. All in all, we would highly recommend it.

Here is the website for additional info: http://www.daves-diner.com/ .

Punching Out (For Now)…

-Biff

That’s right, just in time for summer it is the t-shirt that is pretty much guaranteed to get you action with the ladies. This one of a kind shirt is not a HotFatGuys.com product but it should be….

I present to you, the 3 Wolf tee…

Not for every day, for ALL day!

The greatest thing about this shirt though is not the shirt itself, but the Amazon.com “most helpfull” review of it.  Here it is from Amazon .com:

Great stuff, thanks to Chez for sending this over:

4,337 of 4,369 people found the following review helpful: Dual Function Design, November 10, 2008 By  B. Govern “Bee-Dot-Govern” This item has wolves on it which makes it intrinsically sweet and worth 5 stars by itself, but once I tried it on, that’s when the magic happened. After checking to ensure that the shirt would properly cover my girth, I walked from my trailer to Wal-mart with the shirt on and was immediately approached by women. The women knew from the wolves on my shirt that I, like a wolf, am a mysterious loner who knows how to ‘howl at the moon’ from time to time (if you catch my drift!). The women that approached me wanted to know if I would be their boyfriend and/or give them money for something they called mehth. I told them no, because they didn’t have enough teeth, and frankly a man with a wolf-shirt shouldn’t settle for the first thing that comes to him. I arrived at Wal-mart, mounted my courtesy-scooter (walking is such a drag!) sitting side saddle so that my wolves would show. While I was browsing tube socks, I could hear aroused asthmatic breathing behind me. I turned around to see a slightly sweaty dream in sweatpants and flip-flops standing there. She told me she liked the wolves on my shirt, I told her I wanted to howl at her moon. She offered me a swig from her mountain dew, and I drove my scooter, with her shuffling along side out the door and into the rest of our lives. Thank you wolf shirt. Pros: Fits my girthy frame, has wolves on it, attracts women Cons: Only 3 wolves (could probably use a few more on the ‘guns’), cannot see wolves when sitting with arms crossed, wolves would have been better if they glowed in the dark. Permalink | Was this review helpful to you?    (Report this)

 If you want to read some more of the comments go to: , the link is : http://www.amazon.com/Three-T-Shirt-Available-Various-Sizes/product-reviews/B000NZW3IY/ref=dp_top_cm_cr_acr_txt?ie=UTF8&showViewpoints=1

Punching Out (for now)…

-Biff

   Greetings…I’m so happy to be apart of the HotFatGuys writing staff…Finally, a place where a fat guy can be appreciated…And more importantly, a forum where I, a heavy-set american, can be free to rant and rave about all the annoying things in life without scaring small children and old ladies…And by annoying I don’t mean the lack of McDonald’s that carry the McRib, although it does suck because I was a huge fan of the McRib…I mean the everyday things that piss me off like traffic, long lines, and that kid from the movie “Twilight”…I’ve heard some young girls say he’s the new Leo…I’m sorry my man, but you’ll never be Leo

   Little things like these set me off slightly…Not enough to punch babies, but just enough to lose my cool for a minute, stare blankly and then go off on a rant…This is almost always followed by an emotional eating binge and an alcohol-filled “cool down time”…I don’t handle stress well

   So to sum myself up, I’m an overweight, angry, hungry alcoholic whose blood pressure is surely off the charts…I don’t however have diabetes, as it runs in my family and I get tested regularly…So I got that going for me.

   Finally, I’d like to address an email I received asking me my take on the correct terminology between fupa or gunt…Although I believe fupa is the more PC word to use, gunt rolls of the tongue better…I think if you’re in a crowd and there are women present, fupa should be the word of choice…However, speaking strictly from a man’s point of view, I like the word gunt…It basically calls it what it is…So I’m going to dub gunt the correct terminology

   Thanks and I look forward to ranting in the very near future

We have signed on a new writer, he is a HotFatGuy in every sense of the word and he is angry at…. pretty much everything.

His humor is top shelf, want his 2 cents on something? Email him: angryfatguy@hotfatguys.com .

His rants will be posted on the main page or click on the “Fat Guy Rants” category above.

Enjoy!

-Biff

Testing the Wordpress app for my iPod touch. It works pretty well, except this silly keyboard. Sorry for the content drought. We are back in action! New article later today.

Hello All, it’s super basic but our webshop is up & running. Please click on the webshop tab at the top of the page to check it out.

-Biff

The ultimate HotFatGuy breakfast has been unleashed on the world. That is correct folks….

The Buffalo Chicken Omlette.

I, like all HotFatGuys tak a particular pride in eating breakfast. It’s my favorite meal, particulary after a hard night of boozing.

So when I travelled to Cape Cod, MA with my wife to hang out with some friends for the last few days I new that I would be doing to things;

1) Trying to drown myself in Coors Light.

2) Searching for a little towny breakfeast joint the next day.

We arrived Sunday evening, and after polishing of a 40oz of Miller High Life just for laughs it was off to the races. Here are three highlights:

1) Trying to convince the owner of the house (with the support of 2 girls at the party) we were staying at to allow us to build a cheerleading pyramid on the front lawn at  3:00AM.

2) During a beer pong game one girl farted and it smelled so bad that her female partner went into the bathroom and puked. (This really happend).

3) Convincing 3 girls that have never shotguned a beer before that it was a good idea (one of them almost beat me).

So as you can see it was a wild weekend and consequentley we needed delicious breakfast now more than ever.

The 7 of us were finally dressed and ready to eat teh next day around 1:05 PM , and we set out to our destination… Grumpy’s Restaurant. Thankfully they are open until 2, we arrived and we’re seated when I heard my wife say….

“They have a Buffalo Chicken Omlette”

A quick check of the chalkboard with the special on it revealed that yes, they certainly do.

Our waitress takes our order, her name had to be Mildred or Ethel… she was very nice. My order;

Buffalo Chicken Omlette, White Toast, “Would you like to add homefries for .99?” …

Of Course…Side of Home Made Corn Beef Hash & in true HotFatGuy fashion … a Diet Coke!

It arrived and the skinny people at the table looked at me in disgust.

It was phenominal, nice white chunks of chicken, good Buffalo sauce, Blue Cheese. The home made hash was great as well. When teh bill came 7 of us had breakfast for under $100 with tip, pretty reasonably priced.

I do have to remind you that it was on teh “Specials” chalk board so I’m not sure if they have it all the time,.

The HotFatGuys still reccomend this place highly though, it also has won the Best Breakfast Award 3 years in a row from Cape Cod Readers Choice.

The website is: http://www.grumpyscapecod.com .

Home of the Buffalo Chicken Omlette!

Man, this writing about food makes me hungry… I’m so fat.

Punching Out (For Now)…

-Biff

What happens when you mix sulfur, magnesium, tin foil, a cannon fuse and one crazy redneck?

Thanks to The Captain for forwarding this along..

Enjoy!

-Biff

[Click on the orange "Fireworks in the face!" link below to watch]

Fireworks in the face!

The graph below was from Boston.com, it breaks down all of Ortiz’s plate appearances this year:

Thought this was particularly interesting given yesterday’s blog post. You have to double click the picture to see he whole thing…

Punching Out (For Now)…

-Biff