HotFatGuys.com

   I was reading the featured stories on Yahoo, getting agrier and angrier by the second as I lost even more faith in humankind…The top story that got my blood boiling was Al Roker laying into “Speidi” about their stint on “I’m a Celebrity…Get Me Outta Here”…What pissed me off was not that Roker grilled them, as he should be doing, but their response…Heidi said Roker was “Mean-spirited to come after a young woman with that question” (the question was “Are you proud of how you acted on the show”)…Are you kidding me? This bitch needs to get over herself immediately…I’m not even sure how this tramp became a “celebrity” in the first place, but she need to realize how she was dealing with.

   Al Roker is an old school HotFatGuy and he can ask Speidi any question he damn well pleases…If Roker wanted to ask her what her husband’s man juice tatsed like, then that ditz better smile and tell him the truth, which is that Spencer Pratt is hung like a Ken doll and they don’t have sex, they just stare at themselves in the mirror until they each climax, then they high-five and go to sleep in seperate beds because they love themselves more than they do each other…The nerve of that slut to question anything Al Roker does

   And Spencer Pratt…WTF man? He’s such a doucher that he makes guys like Doug Neidermeyer and Greg Marmalard cringe…His retort to Roker’s questioning was “We were thrown off that the weatherman was even trying to talk to Speidi”…Seriously? He calls himself and his wife by their cheesy tabloid nickname…And he’s dead serious about it…Listen Spence, Roker was famous way before your dad accidentally knocked up your slutty mother instead of letting you slide off her belly like you should have…And for the record, Speidi will never be Brangelina or Bennifer (which are both stupid ass names in their own right), so relax with calling yourself that, weirdo.

   So to explain Roker’s mean questioning, I guess they were on that show, which is kinda like a celebrity spin on ”Survivor”, for two episodes and all they did was yell at the other contestants, cry and complain…Just like you’d expect from any talentless couple who has money and has been given everything their whole lives…Which is another reason why in about 3 generations us humans will be like 3rd on the food chain just under monkeys and dogs, because this is the future of our kids…In an attempt to look rugged, Spencer did manage to grow a beard that made him look like the lead singer of the Spin Doctors.

   Roker tweeted “I think we’re at minute 11 out of their 15″…Which is still way more then they deserve…And hopefully he’s right…Personally, I think the media needs to stop glorifying these dumb people who are only famous because they have money…They offer nothing to society and unfortunately, young kids are growing up thinking that this is acceptable behavior…Al Roker-1, spoiled hollywood brats-0

Thanks,

The Angry Fat Guy

How many times has this happened?

You are in a store, let’s say on vacation and see a really slick shirt that you’d like to buy. So you turn to the clerk and have to have that embarrassing “Does this come in a 3XL?” conversation. Followed by the clerk looking at you with that “Hey fatty, this is a swanky clothes store. I think they sell moo moos at the Kmart down the street” look.

Hopefully never… but to me, all the  time. I enjoy the finer things in life and every now and then want to spend $85 on a shirt. Why?  The same reason why I buy my wife a $200+ pair of Uggs… because it’s a confidence booster.

So when traditionally skinny labels open up to the HotFatGuys world it’s exciting stuff. If you don’t live in Mass and have never “vacationed” on Martha’s Vineyard you may not have heard of Vineyard Vines.

They are a little boutique shop on Martha’s Vineyard that sells overpriced Polo’s, bags and whatnot. Mostly yuppie clothes that make you look like a complete fool but some of there stuff is pretty sharp.

So when my Rochester Big & Tall catalog arrived I opened it up and there it was Vineyard Vines in up to 5X! 

We welcome a new section to HotFatGuys.com today entitled Fat Guy Gear.

This will be a collection of products that are particularly handy for the plus size male.

Our first product idea comes from Kevin Smith’s Twitter page. It is called the Comfort Wipe…

The tag line:

“The first improvement to toilet paper as we know it since the 1880’s”

It is an 18″ curved piece of plastic that you can clip toilet paper to and wipe your ass…

That is correct, an extension arm to wipe your ass.

They even have a fat guy in the commercial, classic. Best part is this is a REAL product!  You can actually order this thing by calling the 800 number at the end of the clip.

If anyone has actually used this prodcut or know someone who has please leave us a comment and tell us about it.

Enjoy!

If you are viewing this article from a mobile device you can [click here]

-Biff

Hey All, a quick update on where we are and where we are going.

We are HUGE in Paris, France. Over 10% of our visitors this month are from Paris.

We love wine, cheese and French Woman, Fries and kissing so thanks Paris!

Talk it up!

We also continue to do well in Scottsdale, AZ.

Please keep the pics coming as well, judging happens in July!

I also have included Jay-Z’s new single below, Death of Autotune… yes, HotFatGuys dig Jay-Z. Just need to get him a Sox hat. Interesting this will NOT be available on iTunes.

-Biff

I spent the last few days living the HotFatGuys dream though…

Here goes,

The name of the trip (organized by a colleague of mine) is 72 in 72, we play 72 holes of golf in 72 hours. It takes place in Ocean City, MD.  This has been the 5th year for the trip but the 1st for this HotFatGuy.

10 to 15 guys get together rent a few vans and head down for a mid-week golf-a-thon, if you were thinking of planning a mancation this is the way to do it. 

Day #1

We rallied in the metro Philadelphia area (because that’s where the majority of the guys are from) at 8:00AM Tuesday morning. This year there were 10 of us so we were able to load all the guys and gear into 1 van. 

3 hours and many beers later we arrived at the Greene Turtle in Ocean City for wings and beer.  This place is the sh*t, it really is. Wish we had one around here.  Then it was off to our 1st tee time at Light House Sound, this is quite a course I’ll tell you. Way to nice for the likes of this HotFatGuy but I took my cuts and enjoyed the day. It’s a beautiful course, great views, challenging and most important… the beer cart girl is cute.

View From The Room

Once our 1st round was in the books we headed down to the Howard Johnson Oceanfront Hotel.  It’s literally on the boardwalk, really great location and a sweet view of the ocean.

There is also Fausto’sBistro in the lobby which has really good food, cheese steak to be specific. This was the second cheese steak of my trip (there will be an entire article devoted to the cheese steak and it’s relationship to the northeast steak and cheese).

The only downside to Ocean City (as in Boston) is that the bars shutdown pretty early so around 11:00 PM we were getting the “so you guys all set” bit. Fortunately for the overwhelmed bartender, we had been up since 7AM and had a 3 hour drive & 18 holes of golf under our belts. We were in fact, all set.

In traditional HotFatGuy style though we made a pilgrimage to the local ice cream shoppe and slid in a few more calories before bed.

Day 2

The second day started with a 7:30 AM Bloody Mary on the porch of the hotel then off to play 36 holes of golf. The destination for day 2 is the Ocean City Golf Club which is made up of 2 courses, Newport Bay & Seaside. We arrived a few minutes before our first tee time and had some delicious home made breakfast sandwiches, bacon egg & cheese on english. They were really good.

Good Morning! Day 2...

The key to playing 36 holes in 1 day? Actually there are 2…  Plenty of Yuengling and make sure the second 18 is best ball.

The Ranger allowed us to play two 5 person teams for our best ball round. If you’ve never played best ball (also called Florida scramble) the rules are simple. You have to use at least 1 or 2 tee shots from each player (we did 1). Everyone hits a tee shot then you take the best tee shot and everyone hits their second shot from there and so on. Once you hit the green only 1 player needs to hit the put.

My team finished -1 for the round and the “other” team finished -6, so we lost but a good time was had by all.

A very tired group of golfers then made the trek to Carrabbba’s Italian grill. This place is excellent as well, I had “The Johnny” which is a sampler of the steak, chicken and pasta. Throw in 5 or 6 Coors Light drafts and some deep fried cheese and this HotFatGuy was feeling good.

We wrapped up day 2 back at the lobby bar and eventually Pickles Pub for literally 1 beer. Finish it off with some DQ soft serve from the boardwalk and it was bed time again.

Day 3

The 3rd and final day started at the same time, 7:30 AM rally in the lobby. This time though everyone brings there gear because once the golf is over it’s a cannonball run home.

The 3rd and final course was (and always is) Rum Pointe, it’s run by the same folks that run Lighthouse Sound so it’s also a very nice course. Two things to know about playing this course:

1) There is no chef/cook for breakfast, so if you order a sandwich it’s coming out of a microwave.

Rum Pointe, great course!

2) There are bugs EVERYWHERE, particularly bad on holes 1-3 & 10-13 so bring a ton of bug spray. The good stuff with deet not the sin so soft crap.

It is a really nice course though, the bartender was great and if you ask they will put all your beers in a little cooler that you can put on your cart. Makes all the difference on the back 9, I tell you.

Once that round was in the books we hit the road, a quick pit stop at Taco Bell/KFC was very successful. If you haven’t had the new double beef volcano burrito you don’t know what you are missing! We arrived a few hours later in Philly and said our goodbyes.

6 hours, later I was home with 72 holes of golf, 900+ miles in the car, a ton of food, many beers & allot of laughs under my belt.

It’s a full program but if you like golf have a good crew and love to eat & drink I highly recommend it!

Punching Out (for now)…

-Biff

What the f*ck? Detective John McLain did a super sassy wine cooler commercial?

It’s wet & it’s dry? Is it Bruce? Is it really???

You and the boys… love, love, love it all the time? ugh…

Whats next a JayBay Zima commercial?

Guess shit like that was ok in the 80’s, thanks to the Sports Guy for posting this on Twitter:

Enjoy!

-Biff

   So, I’m at a bar the other night, and I’m not going to plug it because it sucked…When did suburban Boston area bars get the nerve to hire ugly-ass bartenders and charge ridiculous prices for watered-down drinks…It’s  kinda the rule, the hotter your staff, the pricier the drink…It’s common sense that I’ll pay top dollar when I’m at Marina Bay getting served Jack and Diets until I can barely walk because I have tanned up college-aged knockouts, wearing little more than a tight belly shirt and very high shorts handing me the drinks…But when I go to a neighborhood bar and have to deal with a woman who looks like she coaches girls soccer, definately drives a mini-van and wears baggier clothes than Kriss Kross used to, I in no way expect to pay nearly as much for my drink…It’s bad business and I will not be going there again.

   Anyway, that wasn’t my point…So I’m at said bar and my buddy comes over to me and says “Hey man, is it weird if I’m in the bathroom alone and some guy comes over and uses the urinal right next to me, even though there are four other unoccupied urinals in the bathroom?”

   Is it weird? No…Crop circles are weird…The fact that Britney Spears is still allowed to make music is weird…The fact that I used to think Flo, the Progressive Insurance lady, was kinda hot is pretty weird too…A grown man anchoring himself next to another grown man in an empty bathroom is absolutely 100% without-a-doubt wrong…I don’t like to wash my hands in a bathroom when other people are using the sink, even if there are multiple sinks, so yeah, if you’re going to come over and use the urinal directly beside me when other urinals are an option, I take exception to that.

   The thing is, there is no excuse for it…I mean, even if a friend happened to be in there when I walk in, you still use another urinal, it’s absolute guy code…What possible reasoning would anybody have for doing this? The guy couldn’t have been gay…Gay men are way more proud than to hit on another man via the toilet…Also, they are more suave and presumably much more confident than to approach a man at his most vulnerable…So rule that out.

   Does the offending gentleman feel the need to be friendly at that particular moment? It’s possible…Some guys are very socially awkward and mistake an empty bathroom for a press conference podium…They see the opportunity to  ask another man a series of questions while he can’t go anywhere for a minute and possibly follow him out to get all the dirt…Maybe the dude just has pee problems and needs someone to make him feel comfortable while he urinates…Or maybe the guy is afraid of empty bathrooms and wants to stay close incase something goes down…You’ll have the Praying Mantis technique at your disposal (pun intended).

   No, in all likeliness this jackass just got too drunk off of Jaeger bombs and ‘buca shots before he left his apartment, and didn’t realize he was breaking guy ettiqutte rule numero uno: Don’t piss next to another dude unless you absolutely are forced to…There’s no doubt this guy thinks very highly of himself, and couldn’t care less about anybody who isn’t him…Therefore, he obviously didn’t see anybody in the bathroom other than himself and, feeling entitled to everything because daddy didn’t spank him, grabbed the urinal next to my buddy just to be a dick…He probably even gave him that “I’m better than you” look, followed by the “I make more money than you and score more chicks than god” nod, even though he doesn’t on either account…All this actually does is let the world know  what he’s thinking when he’s the only one left in the bathroom…As he’s staring at his worthless face in the mirror, he gives himself the “I have a tiny penis, nobody actually likes me they just use me, but I’m gonna act awesome to overcome my fear of failure” wink to himself…He then leaves the bathroom and goes back into a world that is better off without him.

   But I just shrugged and said to my friend “Yeah dude, that’s pretty weird, did you give him your number?”

Thanks,

The Angry Fat Guy

I’ll keep this short, as this is more of a “hey go try this” post than me rambling on about how much I like or dislike something. Anyway, last week Microsoft launched its new search engine, Bing (www.bing.com).

It’s your run of the mill search engine with a cool looking interface and it won’t beat google anytime soon as far as functionality. But, it has a very cool feature with its video search.

Go to the video search and search up whatever it is you’re looking for, and then hover over the video thumbnails. Sweet, eh? A neat little preview of the video plays right there for you to sample the video before you click through.

The world seems to love Bing right off the bat, but Microsoft is also catching a lot of heat for the video feature, since, um, if you turn the safe search off and happen to look up inappropriate content…yeah, you catch my drift – it’s a full on porn video search, complete with previews. Some people are not happy about this.

Luckily, I am not one of those people.  Give it a spin – let us know what you think!

So the great thing about starting you’re own website is you get a ton of emails from people with these emails and videos that “everyone has seen”. Everyone but be apparently, this is the latest from our boy Tank Eastwood, no he’s not a porn start he just looks like one.

There are a couple of pretty good spoofs of this spoof on YouTube as well.

Enjoy!

-Biff

Hey everyone, so in an effort to get the word out and try and turn more people on to HotFatGuys.com we will be running our first contest. The  prize is decent. $100 Gift Card from American Express which you can use almost anywhere.

So what do you have to do to enter?

What is a HotFatGuy’s favorite thing besides food, beer and air conditioning?

Smoking Hot Chicks of course…. so the mission is simple. We have designed a simple I (heart) HotFatGuys.com logo below.

To win follow 3 easy steps:

1) Print it out.

2) Give it to the hottest chick you know.

3) Take a picture of her being really hot with it.

4) Email it to contests@hotfatguys.com … ok that’s 4 but whatever.

The HotFatGuys will accept entries now through July 3rd, the 10 finalists will be posted on the site and voted on for 7 days.

The winner will be selected July 10th  and the gift card will be sent certified mail July 11th. If you live in eastern Mass we will hand deliver it to you.

A few rules:

A) The gift card will be given to the person who submits the entry.

B) No Photoshop jobs… we have 2 graphic designers on staff they will know.

C) If you do not have a printer that’s ok just write I Love HotFatGuys.com on a piece of paper… or on yourself.

D) You, the HotFatGuys community will have the final say so the hotter the better.

E) Any photos that you send us become the property of HotFatGuys.com and we reserve the right to post them or use them and/or your likeness with no compensation due to those who submit them.

F) By submitting a photo you are agreeing that you have permission to do so, we will not be held responsible for photos that reach us without the subjects consent.

The HotFatGuys.com Contest Logo

As we get entries we will post them in the “Smoking Hot Chicks” section of the site so you girls can see what your competition is.

Good luck!

Punching Out (for now…)

-Biff